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Put on a Happy Face

If you had asked me if I would ever be working at an automotive parts distributor I would have called you mucho loco because I didn’t know anything about cars but here I was. Third shift shipping and receiving of a distribution center for car parts by night, college student by day.


I really needed the job since my parents had cut me off since I didn’t attend classes. Now I was paying for it myself and I went to class…usually.


My boss was an interesting guy and he seemed to take an interest in me. He would give me a brief description of each item and taught me how to prioritize the work. He seemed to like me and in short order I got a nice raise.


His name was Vern and was quite an odd looking man. Olive skinned with dark hair slicked back and sunken eyes that seemed perpetually dark underneath. Vern had more than his share of jowls. We joked that he could not see “Mr. Happy” without a reflective surface.

He kind of sauntered about the warehouse and would stop and look at an employee, expressionless, for much longer than is comfortable. Weird guy but hey, he took care of me so my attitude was “go ahead, be weird”


Uniforms were not required but he always wore blue pants and a khaki shirt with epaulets. He also always carried a metal clipboard but nobody remembers ever seeing him write on it.

One day I was operating a forklift, putting some pallets of starter motors high onto the racks. They are very heavy and the higher you go with the forks the more wobbly they get. It can be a delicate operation and I was concentrating hard. When I was finished I looked over and Vern was watching. He waved me over.


I wheeled the lift over and stopped by him “nice job with those starters” he said. “thanks, it is always nerve wracking when you are working that high.”

“well you did a good job” He stopped talking but kept making eye contact. After a long time he asked “after work do you think that you can help me move a refrigerator? I have a hand-truck but need to move my old one into the garage before the new one is delivered tomorrow.”


That was out of the ordinary but hey, he is the boss and he takes good care of me. ”sure, I will swing by on my way home.” He gave me directions and I went back to work.

By the time the shift ended I had forgotten about it but Vern called me on the radio and told me “I am heading home now so that everything will be ready” I was tired and had no desire to move anything else, just get a shower and some sleep. But a deal is a deal.


When I pulled up in front of his house I admit that it was a shock. He seemed like such a blue collar guy that I did not expect such a nice house. The yard edged immaculately, the bushes trimmed perfectly and the house was sparkling in the morning sun. His Ford pickup was parked next to a classic Thunderbird painted turquoise.


I walked to the door and was ready to tell him how impressed I was. When I rang the bell a voice came from deep in the house “come on it”.

Inside was just as neat as the outside. Dramatic palms and teak furniture dominated the house. I walked towards where I expected the kitchen to be and out steps Vern. All 300 pounds of him was wrapped in a see-through teddy. His fat chest gave the impression of ugly saggy tits and his dark face sported blue eye shadow and red lipstick. Sticking out from beneath his massive belly was a huge purple strap on dildo. It was as big around as a bottle of wine and had an exaggerated head and protruding veins. Just looking at it made me woozy.


I know I looked stunned and he stepped forward, taking my hand and leading me into the den. OH MY GOD!!! “uh…Vern” I stammered. I didn’t know what to say. I was desperate for the job but not this desperate.


My head swirled and was trying to think of an excuse to leave. He saw me looking at the door and said “calm down. I am not going to give you this” he indicated towards the purple baseball bat that jutted menacingly in front of him. “But if you would do me…”

He turned and knelt on the floor, hiking up the bottom of his lingerie. His ass was massive and flabby with a lot of dark curly hair. With his forehead on the floor and his ass in the air he reached back with both hands, spreading his cheeks. A sideways happy face smiled out at me. “WHAT THE FUCK!!!”


He put his hand over the face and pulled on it. OH MY FUCKING GOD…it was a butt plug. I recoiled as I saw the gaping ass staring at me. It looked large enough to echo. Just then I realized that it was about the size of the big purple strap on. The panic and the revulsion were joined by a rush of adrenaline. I turned and mindlessly ran as hard as I could for the front door. Bolting from the den I turned into the kitchen and suddenly there was a huge pain and then nothingness.


The next thing I remember is a throbbing, thankfully in my head. I opened my eyes and there Vern was, eye shadow, lipstick and all. He was sitting very upright beside me gently stroking my hair. I moved and a ziplock bag of ice fell off of my forehead. I sat up and looked around, I was on the sofa under a burgundy sheet. He said “sit back, you ran into the edge of the pantry door. It knocked you out.” Apparently in my panic I ran headlong into the edge of a door.


He gently pushed me back and put the ice back on my forehead. “I am sorry for coming on so strong but I thought you knew”

KNEW…he thought that I KNEW that he was a submissive gay bitch? What the fuck! With an aching head and a possible concussion I stood up to leave. The room spun. Between the terror and the head injury I knew that I wasn’t thinking right…but die of cerebral hemorrhage or not I was out of there.


Pushing him out of the way I stood up, only then realizing that I was totally nude. OH MY GOD!!! WHAT HAPPENED WHILE I WAS UNCONSCIOUS?!?! On the coffee table my pants were neatly folded with my shirt on top with the socks folding into a tidy ball, my shoes on the floor.


Unsteadily I picked them up and made my way to the front door. A sense of urgency was there but the head trauma made it where I couldn’t move that quickly. Still naked I stumbled to my car.


An old lady was tending her rose bushes across the street. She saw me and I saw her eyes widen. As I fell into the car I realized the picture that she just seen. A naked man staggering from the house with Vern standing on the porch with giant strap on jutting out beneath his teddy. Vern was waving in a friendly way. She surely thought that I was staggering to the car after being pounded by the dildo-from-hell.


It was the first time in my life that I prayed for death.



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